so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
