i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
