ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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