theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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