hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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