When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
