i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
