I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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