my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
