The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
