im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
