The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
