We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think I sprained my soul last night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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