If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
