Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
