I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
