Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
