so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
