Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
