So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
