so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
