i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
