i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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