Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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