Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
