just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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