I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I need water and some morals
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
