This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
