she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
