i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
