Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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