just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
