You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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