what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
