Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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