dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
