one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
