It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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