I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize