Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
