Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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