sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
