I have demons in me.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
