She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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