She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize