The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
