Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
