Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
my liver is dry heaving
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
