About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
