it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
