Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
