is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize