My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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