Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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