everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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