Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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