yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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