Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
