we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
