Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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