she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
