dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
