I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
