Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
