I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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