Swine flu. Run for my life!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Randomize
