the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
