And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
sex in a hospital.. check
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
