What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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