I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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