"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
