he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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