You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
